It’s time to celebrate Hollywood’s 2017’s pile of trash
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It’s the time when I look back at the most boring, infuriating, and just plain terrible films of the year. Of course, every year has there own pile of garbage that needs to be recognized along with the best. 2017 has been, for the most part, a great year for movies but we’ve also gotten some truly terrible films. Yes, we’ve received movies from failed cinematic universe starters to unfunny comedies to stories about crazy women to talking machines. All of these films either gave me a headache, bored me out of my mind, made me roll my eyes or made me fall asleep. Since I had to endure them, I compiled this list so you don’t have to. Without further ado, here are my 10 worst movies of 2017.
10. Patriots Day
Patriots Day is a film that fits right in Trump’s America. It’s so full of itself and steeped in nationalistic imagery that it forgets to tell an important story. Peter Berg’s concerns are with depicting a rather harmful image of Muslims. The worst part is that he keeps juxtaposing Islam with American imageries almost alluding to the fact that both cannot exist. And of course, America will prevail as it conveniently does in so many movies. Frankly, the people that have been affected by this terrible tragedy should be furious that a film about their hardship has been turned into another anti-Islam propaganda.
9. The Mummy
Every studio wants their own cinematic universe. Yet, they can’t all be like Marvel and The Mummy is solid proof. It’s the most corporate of all the films this year. It’s a film designed to appeal to everyone. But it’s a terrible untimely comedy mixed with bland action set pieces. It’s funny how a film inspired by 1930s monster movie doesn’t even try to incorporate elements of those far superior films. Imagine the Dark Universe monster movies with 30s craftsmanship and horror elements. Only then can the Dark Universe succeed.
I’ll be the first to admit that Amy Schumer gets too much hate but boy, does she make it hard to defend her with films such as Snatched. This latest comedy has marketed as Goldie Hawn’s big return and unfortunately, it was anything less than magical. This sour comedy showed the problems with many modern comedies that are running rampant in today’s cinema. Snatched has no directions and leaves it to its stars to produce all the charisma. With no funny jokes to be found, Snatched sadly is this year’s worst comedy.
Just like Snatched, Unforgettable follows the trend of cheap cash grabs to get people to the movies. Its story is nothing new and it continues to recycle Hollywood’s old sexist cliché: a beautiful blonde gets divorced by husband and becomes a psychotic woman ready to kill her ex-husband’s next wife. Katherine Heigl plays this character and delivers one of the year’s worst performance. It’s yet another female character totally dependent on her relationship with the male character. Unforgettable should have been a TV movie because I still can’t believe I paid for this.
6. The Snowman
There’s nothing offensive about The Snowman but then again, there’s nothing that happens for it to be considered offensive. Director Tomas Alfredsson, usually a strong director, has created a film filled with many odd creative choices and managed to make Michael Fassbender an uncharismatic actor. What was a popular book of the same name by popular Swedish writer, Jø Nesbo, was lost in translation from pages to the big screen. The Snowman not only offers nothing but it’s part of a growing number of books turned to films being released in October, trying to be the next Gone Girl.
I wasn’t too excited for another entry into one of my favorite horror film ever, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And I was right to be. Leatherface has nothing to add to an already awful franchise. It’s marketed as Leatherface’s beginning but his unconvincing turn to the dark side leaves this sequel as pointless as ever. It adds absolutely nothing to the mythology and fails to understand the original’s creepy atmosphere. In the end, it’s just another mediocre sequel to add to one of horror’s worst franchise.
4. The Bye Bye Man
Every year my worst of the year list isn’t complete without a terrible January horror movie. And this year its none other than The Bye Bye Man. It’s a lazy horror movie stuck in the lower half of the 90s with films such as Urban Legend. And even then, the 1998 film had a somewhat interesting killer. Here, the supernatural entity is quite bland. He walks around with his CGI demon dog completely stripped of any tension. Even the main characters are just your typical serial killer movie stereotypes. It’s just plain bad.
Rings not only has the title of the worst horror movie of the year but it’s also the most boring movie of the year. The sequel tries to add to the mythology of the first film while still working within the structures of a detective type story. However, it just never builds towards something meaningful. The ideas it has don’t necessarily make sense given the actions of the first film and can’t capture the off-putting gloomy atmosphere, even though it tries. In a year filled with fantastic horror movies, like Get Out and It Comes At Night, Rings just isn’t comparable next to them.
2. Transformers: The Last Knight
What can I say that hasn’t already been said about the Transformers movies? They’re terribly written, directed, and above all, they’re not compelling to watch. Michael Bay continues to try to deliver interesting character drama in a movie where the focus should be on the robots. In The Last Knight, we follow historians who study Transformers history and throughout the movie we get to see their relationship grow until they happily fall in love. It’s not a film about the Transformers at all. In fact, they only get the spotlight for about 5 minutes before the credits get rolling and a promise for another sequel is revealed. Yay….
Why does this movie have 38% on Rotten Tomatoes? Is there something that I’m missing from this Halle Berry disaster? Kidnap surely is without a doubt the worst movie-going experience of 2017. It’s an ugly looking movie with terrible cinematography and editing. It’s a story we’ve seen many times but its also a story that is completely uninspired like the rest of this film. The worst is Halle Berry is stuck in the middle giving the worst performance of the year all while making many cringeworthy faces. It’s moments such as Kidnap‘s headache-inducing car chase that actually make me love the Fast and the Furious movies that much more.